Clarifying

    Ok so per request of a Facebook friend I am going to clarify a few details i may have missed so far in my little story.

    The biggest thing i will start with is the reason my aunt ended up with custody of me and not anyone else in my family. She was there for me almost from the begining, at a year old i attatched myself to her hip and still have yet to detach. She was there for my sister from the day she was born, while my mom dealt with her own mental problems after my sister was born premature and stuck in the NICU, my aunt was the one to go see her everyday and care for her. She had been a major player in my life so for her to get me was a no brainer. 
     Second thing i will clarify about my life, when i explain that my homes that i lived in with my parents were filthy, i dont mean this kind of filthy

I mean this kind of filthy

And this kind of filthy

So when i talk about being happy i was in a clean house, believe me when i say i was happy beyond words.

I would like to also add some photos to help give faces to names

Tara and Me

Sarah

Aunt Heather 

Mom and Me

Now this is not all of my family but this gives you an idea of people i have mentioned so far in my tellings. I can and will upload more when time comes or if anyone asks for pictures, I am always up for suggestions and request :)

Till next time yall

oh yea and just me!!!

For the present

   This is not a look into my past but once again a break and a look at what is going on in my present. This year has been rough, the worst I have had in a long time, and the closing of it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. So far this week I have once again been sick, Nana and Paw found out their house is definitely being sold and some guy from prudential realty is coming Friday to discuss the details, and today the news was dropped on the family that paws brother in law has only one to two weeks to live.

                 However tonight, for the first time in a long time, I went to church. And no it didn't burn down when I walked inside as I'm sure most of you are wondering. Anyways I went and what the pastor read was awesome and it was as if he knew I was coming and spoke directly to me. Now I am not sitting here saying holy crap everything is ok now, everything has changed nothing bad will ever happen or I will never be the same person I have been, just because I went, but I am saying that the message made me realize there were things in my life I needed to let go of and things I just needed to accept. And it helped, it really did. I am also saying that in this little omg moment that I did have I was hit with the realization that the saying that is repeated to me all the time, which is "everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for you", is truer than I used to want to believe. Just the fact that I went tonight and the words that came from the pastors mouth spoke right to my heart is a clear sign of that. This is also not me trying to preach just me simply explaining an amazing moment I had amidst all of the shitty things that keep happening.
              After church I went to see paws brother in law, aka uncle Jeff, and it was hard to say the least. I have been away for so long and when I finally come back death starts taking it's toll on family members, and it sucks hairy donkey dick. What also sucks is when you look into the face of a dying person you have to face reality in that instant. Now I by no means have ever hidden from that fact that I will die one day and will never know what day that will be, but the horrifying truth that haunts me is how.  How will I face my end? Where will I face my end? And even who will be there to see me go, if anyone? No fucking answers for these, and no good damn way to put a front on to say "yea I'm okay with it and I'm ready." I truly hope for something quick, especially when I stood in that house and saw the life already drained from him, his body wrecked with pain, and his eyes glassy. No one wants or deserves to have to lye in a bed and have their loved ones watch them dissipate into a nothingness corpse, but that is exactly the fucked up thing that could be waiting for me, waiting for anyone, and it scares the shit out of me.
              Besides death and how it will come, the other thing that bothers me is seeing my nana and paw and everyone in their house, have to move. Why is this such a sad thing or an upsetting thing? Well because since I was a baby this is really the only house I, well all the grandkids, have ever called home, although there was the very short time in Missouri, but besides that this has been it. To possibly see someone else live here, or to see the house demolished to make room for something else is gut wrenching. All our child hood memories live in this house, all the family picnics, every fight, each birthday party, home cooked meals, holiday dinners and celebrations, our families life is here and will stick with house. Nothing about saying goodbye to this place will be easy.
                   
                        All I have left to say is everything does happen for a reason and till next time yall!!

chp3

     Alrighty then let us kick this into high gear and start rolling.

     I went to bed that night with, with a completely blank mind. It was if there were so many thoughts i needed to process, that in the moment my mind just shut down and told me to go hell. What had i done? Who the hell am i? What kind of person does something that sick? The answers were no where to be found that night, nore anytime soon after. There was also a very obvious conclusion i came to very quickly and that was the two reasons i couldn't and wouldn't be able to hide the ultimate betrayal i had just committed. Those two reasons, one was because no matter what i always find ways to tell on myself for doing something really wrong, and two i now had a humongous hickey on my neck. I knew whatever i did or said would never make this go away or make it any better,but i knew that anything i did or said could make it worse. I was drowning and was no where close to surfacing.
    
    The next day seemed as though i was living in slow motion, but my body was in high speed. My heart pounded all day, my palms were constantly sweaty, and i felt like just avoiding everyone, but i knew if i avoided everyone they would start asking what's wrong and nothing good would come of it, i was not in a good spot at all. So i went against the "i'm going to avoid everyone" and went right for "i'm going to go talk to my cousin". Conversation was going fine and she hadn't noticed what was on my neck, although back then i also had long hair so it made it a tad easier to hide, and i stayed relatively calm until i myself pointed out the mark on my neck. I didn't point it out as the mark it really was but a mark i got in rehab, a mark i got from my girlfriend. It would have passed by her and it would have been good except the very next second she called her mom into the room and made her look at my neck and starts telling her what it was from. When my cousin finally got done showing and telling my massive hickey to her mom, that's when the true facts started to come out. See my aunt has this cray weird ability to remember the smallest most unimportant facts, shit that no one else, not even yourself, can recall. She recalled that just a few days before, when she had picked me up from rehab i had my hair up away from my neck. Now see i also told sarah i had a lot of make-up on to cover the hickey,but my aunt and her cray ability cracked that lie wide open as well because she also recalled i had zero make-up on that day.I still ask myself "how do you not remember if yuo actually wore make-up or not?" So i confessed to everything and told them what really happened and where the hickey came from. After i got through talking and i watched my cousin break down in tears and my aunt break out in rage, i was just waiting on sir executioner to come strolling through the door. 

     Once everyone that was involved in the act was cornered, questioned and put to shame silence fell for awhile, like the calm before the storm, except the storm that followed was not quick and swift, it was long and drawn out. There had even been a family meeting about the incident,paw was the ring leader and it wasn't pretty, you could cut the tension with a knife and you could practicaly smell fear and unworthiness pooring off me and her husband. After that little meeting I actually avoided my cousin for awhile, until one night i decided that i would just talk to her because i couldn't take not having my best friend to talk to anymore and all i wanted to do was fight to have our relationship back. I wasn't sure what i would say or how i would say it, i just knew i wanted to talk to her,try to make something, anything better, maybe even help myself along with her understand the reasoning behind it.  I was also preparing my body for the worst pain i would feel, and the last pain i would ever feel, which would be her murdering me where i stood. So after a few really deep breaths and a self pep talk, i went to her. I stood in front of the woman I had destroyed just days before and poored my heart and mind out to her. I expected total silence and a shunning from her, never once did it cross my mind i would hear the words "Mandie it's ok i forgive you". 

    Now it may seem like this event passed quickly and everything was instantly resolved, but by no means was that the case. There were days that it seemed i was totally blocked out and on my own, but i understood and it was extremely expected. Then there were also the days i couldn't get far enough away from everyones  microscopes they had on me and their side comments to keep salt on open wounds, it was a never ending circle. Still to this day i have a dagger drove into these wounds and twisted a little, and honestly not even by who you'd think it would be by, but by everyone else. 

     

  I want to say sorry right now because writing this has made me very, just lost for words and i don't know how to continue at this point so I'm going to bring this to a close. And yes i realize plenty of you are probably saying "you dumb bitch how are you lost for words, you fucking did it?" Well some memories, some actions still get me when i sit back and think on them and still hurt as bad as they did when it happened. So

till next time 

sorry yall

    I just want to say sorry for the post earlier today. It was an awful writing on my part, and honestly should never have been posted. I am just going to blame it on me being sick and kinda of out of my mind. I promise i shall try to do better tomorrow. Hopefully i can also improve my normal writing skills and really make my emotions through those times show through. 

till next time yall!!

part1 of chp3

       Ok yall not feeling well today i do believe i have the flu, but i want to give you a short read today. This is part1 of chp.3, and i apologize in advance for the shortness.


          Now the only details i'm really going to get into about my rehab facility is that for one the food was amazing, two my mom and i faught several times, and i had a girlfriend. With that said let us move on to my release. Instead of going back to my moms my aunt took me in and i lived with her and my grandparents, and after fighting tooth and nail, my aunt finally had my mom sign guardianship over to her. I was goign to be enrolled at Central York High School, i lived in a clean house. It was perfect.

           So all was well, until just a few days in. Not only did my nana and paw and aunt live in the house but my cousin and her husband lived there too. What i am about to disclose is an unforgivable act but to understand me fully it must be told. It was like any other normal day, well it started off as that, and was coming to a normal close just like any other night in the house, except everyone but me and my cousins husband. We were watching movies and everything was fine, he was drinking, i was just chilling then he offered me a beer, so i took it. Not a whole lot had been said between as the entire time we sat and watched the movies, until he asked me if we could have sex. 

        Until next time yall.....

[Official Video] Carol of the Bells - Pentatonix

[Official Video] Save the World/Don't You Worry Child - Pentatonix (Swed...

Confessions:Caution when reading...

     This once again is off the path of my past recollections but I think yall may like another break from the drab story... This is sort of a confessions post for me actually. The following is everything, well almost everything I've done wrong, secret thoughts I have had, and lies I have told. So everyone hang on to your seats because some of these may involve you and apologies will be made along with the confession. 


      1) I slept with my ex-best friends boyfriend because she said I would never get a guy as good as hers... Now I would say I'm sorry for it but..... Well.... How do i say this... Look we are all grown ups here so I'll just say it.. I'd say sorry but she joined and enjoyed it...

     2) Okay.. The first person i slept with was a chick. I was in 6th grade and she was a friend from class, it started as playing a game and then turned into...well i shouldn't have to go into detail.

      3) I still have not forgiven my mom completely for everything that happened in the past and sometimes when i start an argument with her it's because i think she deserves getting yelled at. And no i'm not proud of it and i'm sorry for that, i try to let go but... I have issues with doing that,

       4) Sometimes I wish i was a guy. Because when i look in the mirror sometimes i think i'd make a better dude than chick.

       5) I stopped eating when i was about 16 for a guy that i fell head over heals with, but all he wanted was sex... And of course i ignored the obvious fact because i held on to invisible hope that he would really want me.

       6) I got high and made out with my roommate for about 5 min. Then decided to go to sleep... Only because I wanted to back out of it. I didn't want things to be awkward between us and i really wasn't that into him. 

      7) I love weed. It really does help me sleep and when i smoke it relaxes me. Totally for legalization

      8) I rekindled an old flame between an ex and myself, but realized i had changed and soon into the relationship wanted to break it off but was to afraid to do it. So i got a friend to tell him. 

      9) I cheated on 98% of my math tests in school. My family thinks i'm really smart but i am straight up stupid when it comes to that. 

     10) When i was married and things got hard i ran to my friend before my husband. And it was a friend he didn't trust so i had to lie about talking to her. That caused of course trust issues. I am sorry. Sorry because i was a coward not to go to him with the problems we had and instead run to an outsider. Sorry because in the end i lost him.

    11) My divorce is mostly my fault. The knife that cut the rope is when i decided to come to PA to stay for awhile. But he told me he understood why i was doing it. I also got a piercing, that is now gone, that he hated and he finally told me never to come back.

    12) I lied to my ex-husband about smoking for a long time. Finally in the middle of an argument i threw a pack of my cigs on the table in front of him and confessed.

    13) I tried forcing my sister to get high, because i thought she needed to relax. I'm sorry Tay!!

    14) I secretly wish i was like my cousin sarah. She is so pretty, has a great personality, is so damn creative and just an awesome person. 

    15) I threw a pair of scissors at my sisters fiance. 

    16) I have huge commitment issues and when someone gets to close i find a way to push them away. And i will do anything to push them away..ANYTHING!!

     17) I lied to my aunt about something a counselor said once. I told her the counselor thought i should be in a home for girls. I did it because i wanted my aunt to be on my side and just to hear her say i didn't deserve to be in a place like that. But it back fired...She went to the counselor the next day. 

    18) I stole from a place i used to work at. All the time..

    19) I had sex at work, a lot.

    20) And to end this confession post... I envy the girl my ex is having a baby with...


okay yall this is by no means all of my confessions or the worst of what i've done or thought. so in the future there will be another confessions list. I hope yall dont quit reading because of some of the things i've confessed to doing... till next time....
And want to say sorry for everything i've done!!!

part2 chap.2

  OK let me see if i can remember where I left off. I do believe i was blabbing on about how Tara and I refused to clean our trailer by ourselves, yea that sounds about right. So after what I'm pretty sure was a month of staying there my mom finally came home. Yes indeed and was clean and sober for the first time in a long time. God it was amazing, when we finally got back to our trailer when she got back we had normal family time that we spent together. We didn't have let's watch mom and dad get so messed up that they slur their words, fall over when they walk, and sooner or later just drool as a response to a question. Our lives were on track, or so I thought. We had a few good months and a clean house for a very short time period, soon my mom and dad went back to sitting their asses in bed all day barking orders at Tay and I, so therefore the house went to shit again. Then the pills started again, now I'm not really positive on when they started again but dammit, against all my hopes and wishes they did. I do remember a specific day though that i think triggered it.
        For once in my so far miserable little life my parents allowed me  to participate in a extracurricular activity for school, and I choose flag twirling. It was the greatest feeling in the world o finally be able to belong to a group, and me of all people, was actually surprisingly good at it. Now when i started twirling practice was always at the Spring Grove Intermediate school, but this time our coach wanted us at the high school where all the props were, so we could get a really good practice in and nail the routine, and I'm absolutely positive that I told my dad that before I left. Anyways practice lasted about two hours as usual then we packed up and everyone started to leave. I walked outside and waited a minute, and before the last girl left I asked to use her phone just so i could get a hold of my mother and make sure Richard was picking me up, but low and behold no answer! So I stood there for at least another hour, then eventually got a ride home, but couldn't tell you with who that part is all fuzzy, just know i got home. 
        When I arrived at home my mom was beside herself freaking out and pacing the floor. When I tried talking to her she just yelled at me and said "Your father hasn't come home yet and he's been gone for several hours, he left to go pick you up and hasn't been back!" I was shocked I just thought he forgot was all, and the poor guy was MIA, and now my mom was about to have a mental breakdown. So we waited, and waited, and waited some more, pretty much waited a long damn time when finally a knock at the door. Mom answered and it was Richards parents.
   "Richard was in a car accident and he's at the hospital." Were the first words out of Paps mouth, no easing into it or anything just hit my mom with brick wall of info. What made it worse, and I feel really bad still to this day for my mom, his parents refused to take her to see him. They told her she could go when they pick him up, but until then her antzy ass could sit at home. Thank God we only had to wait until the next day before they went and got him, I was ready to  tie my mom down, stuff a sock in her mouth, put tape around her head so it would stay and lock her ass in her bedroom just to get some piece and quite, she really was that off the wall batshit crazy that night. 
          Well Richard was home the very next day, and all was well in our happy little home and nothing bad ever happened again. 





      Wow I hope no one actually believed that, lord I crack myself up. Anyways not all was well, once he got home from he hospital is when the pill thing started and it was worse than before. Not only did I once again have to deal with that, but I had to live with Pap telling me all the time that it was my fault Richard had the car accident, if i wouldn't be running around at school on the weekends when I'm supposed to be at home this would have never happened. Then I was forced to quit twirling! So pretty much their abuse of drugs started because I was at practice that day, and i hated having that burden on my shoulders and thrown in my face everyday, all i have to say is depression is a bitch.
        Also on top of dealing with dickheads, and drug abusers at home, I had to deal with them at school, but by this time I was at my limit of taking shit and going through what no kid should go through. I also forgot to mention that by this age children protective services at been to our house several times, probably because someone called and told them our house was full of animal crap, garbage, and my sister and i went to school smelling like a pile of shit and piss, but that's just a speculation. Not like I know the person personally. I was fed up with it all, I reached a breaking point, I could feel myself slipping from the last centimeter of a ledge i had left to stand on. The names I was called at school, the physical bullying that i went through, and several times told a counselor about but told me there was no evidence so they couldn't do anything, the blame for Richards accident, and insults from his parents, my parents constant state of fucked up, having to care for my sister. I was lost in a haze and slipping, there was nothing to grab onto it felt like, so i let myself go.
        One day after school I went home and locked myself in my room, and i guess no one noticed i didn't emerge until the next morning because they were busy with their oxy, or hydros, maybe even some morphine. Anyways, I sat in my room writing a letter. It was what i planned to be the last thing i wrote in my entire life, a goodbye letter, or better yet known as a suicide note. I said goodbye to everyone in my family, explained why i did it, who i put the blame on, who should feel like shit because i was gone. I was angry, depressed and sad all at once and i wanted to make sure everyone knew it, especially my parents, and Richards parents. I wanted my mom to feel that empty spot in her chest because she lost me, because i had an empty spot in my life because of her pill addiction, and she let my sister and i both down. I finished the letter and placed it beside me on my bed so it would be easy to find, and i laid back onto my bed to reflect on everything for a minute, and before i knew it i was crying then i was asleep.
      I had taken several pills, but nothing that would kill me come to find out just make me sick, I took ibuprofen, the 800mg ones. Yea i thought it would send me straight to the gates of hell, since you know suicide is a sin and all, but it didn't. I woke up the next morning like usual and took my ass to school. I still didn't feel any relief of depression and not succeeding in my own death didn't suddenly make me realize i have so much to live for, it pissed me off and i wanted it more than ever, so the entire day at school was plotting my own execution. It was close to the end of the day and i had finally figured it out, slicing my wrists, and i would make sure i did it deep enough that i definately bled out so i couldn't be revived. Perfect plan, until i decided to go talk to my counselor one last time. 
        He called an ambulance after he got done talking to me and they took me memorial hospital, where i was eventually visited by my aunt and her daughter and of course nana. I was being processed to go to a rehabilitation center to help me through my depression and any other mental issues i might have had. And after a few hours of waiting i was off in another ambulance on my way towards state college to a place called clear meadows. 



till next time yall!!! 
          

something from the present

Okay so let us take a short little break from the past and let me insert a present story of my life. Oh and i'm sorry if i am throwing a lot out there at once, but i feel as though i have plenty of stories and life events to share for awhile.
So on to the present. It has now been about two almost three weeks i think since i had my surgery. What surgery i'm sure is what yall are asking because most didn't even know it happened. Well i was pregnant, but it was an eptopic or tubal pregnancy. The baby was not in the uterus there for could not grow and survive properly, so i had to have my left tube removed which is where the baby was. Now i wasn't that far along and i hadn't known i was pregnant that long, only about a week i had known, but i was so excited and it still really hurts. I had wanted a baby for so long and to finally have it, but i woke up on November 2 with extremely bad bleeding and the next thing i know, after two ultrasounds, a few exams, and of course blood work, an OBGYN was standing in front of me telling me i had to pretty much abort this child. No words can describe the feeling i had, and even now while i'm writing this i am trying so hard not to tear up. And i haven't really had a chance to really sit down and just let my emotions out because i just keep being told well you weren't that far along, and better it happened now than farther along in your pregnancy. I try to tell myself those things to make sense of it but That's not how i feel about it. I feel heart broken, torn, i don't feel like myself. I find myself pondering over what i did that made this happen, and if i try to get pregnant again will this happen again. I want to cry, just sit and cry but it's almost like i can't. 
    Anyways on a extrememly happy note i just found out that my my cousin and best friend and greatest person ever, Sarah, is having another baby!!!!!! When i found out it was awesome i'm so excited. I didnt get to be around for the last one much because i lived in Missouri, but this time i'm here and ready!!!!!! 



till next time yall!!!
         

part1 of chpt.2

Okay so lets continue this little journey of an overview of my life. I'll try to loosen up on this a little bit, I started this as an autobiography and all proper, until a friend and family member mentioned making a blog. So now I  feel like I should be a little more laid back in my writing, without skimping on details of course. Anyways lets go....


So there i was at fifteen watching my parents getting hauled away in an ambulance, and like I said it was a sad and happy moment all in one. Now I know there are some very intelligent and bright kids out there but still most of them would not have grasped the instant concept that, holy shit my parents are gone, my house is empty, it's just me and my sister, what the hell am I supposed to do??? But I did and my heart sank like a rock to my gut. Yes I had two sets of grandparents but my moms parents( aka nana and paw) had a houseful already and not much space for two more kids, and not to mention in a totally different school district. Then Richards parents ( aka mammaw and pap) only lived in a tiny two room house that was cluttered to the top, and did i mention that only one of the bedrooms was sleepable because the other was more cluttered by itself than the rest of the house. Mammaw slept on a recliner in the living room all the time for that reason. So yea it was an instant worry to me of where i would be going, sorry where Tay and I would be going. However after the "adults", which at that point the way everyone was acting and freaking out i felt more like an adult than them, got done talking the front runner in keeping the, what now just felt like two pity cases, children were Mammaw and Pap. Just for the very little and simple detail that they lived in our school district and no one at Nana and Paws had time to run us back and forth to school. 
So the rest of that particular day was not as bad as the beginning, we went out to dinner for my birthday and went to see a movie, it was the rest of the month and year that sucked balls. Of course my sister and I stayed at Mammaws as discussed and tried making the best of it.  Although at this point Richard had checked himself out of his rehab to detox at home, while my mom was still in some rehabilitation center in the mountains detoxing. Anyways when he came home to do his get off drugs thing it was awful, puking sounds all night along with crying and sobbing, I had and still have never heard a more wretched sound in my life, thank God that part only lasted about a week or so. The rest of the time he had to get over being a dickhead, which he is currently still working on but now i'm old enough i get to ignore him. Oh yea and all this was happening at Mammaw and Paps, it was all going down in a tiny ass house that everyone kept tripping over each other in. Well to skip a few steps and rather annoying and forgettable days, we stayed there about..... I wanna say close to a month, well it felt like it, and while we stayed there Mammaw, Pap and Richard would make us go down to our trailer to clean it. Yea that made sense, send two little kids down to clean an entire house while the adult assholes sat at home.... It didn't work out how they planned, we just went down there and sat.



well this is only part of chapter two but i will continue soon hope yall enjoy!!

First chapter

My name is Mandie, I am 21 and I want to share my lifes story with you. To start this off i'd first like to thank all the people in my life who have shown me support through good times, bad times, stupid decisions, best decisions, and decisions that theres really no answer for. I would never have made it this far without those people, I will never be able to say thank you enough. I would also like to start this off with saying kiss my ass to the ones who were close enough to support me but didn't. those people that choose not to support me decided that putting me down, or continuously making my life a living hell by bringing up the past and not letting it die, or trying to tell me where I should go, what I should do, who I should see, that's not support that's being my boss. Anyways I will get into detailed stories of accounts where it felt like i had the support of a bull under me and the support, or lack there of, of a bull with a broken leg, or two at times, lets just start with the basics first. Hope you enjoy.

CHAPTER ONE
somewhere to start


I could start this whole thing off by saying, I was just a little baby running down the airport terminal to meet my family in Pennsylvania for the first time and was extatic, but that would be a lie because I don't remember it, I was to young and i'm sure the only reason i would have been excited was to get off the plane. There is also a possibility I could start my lifes story with the happenings of a childhood birthday party, or events like breaking my ankle, but none of that seems good enough or really that important. No, they are small figments of my life, that yes I cherish, well not breaking my ankle, but not big enough to start with, and really not when I feel as though my life started in a new direction. I will however give a tad bit of background information to help ease into what I consider my life changing event. 
I lived in Pennsylvania from the age of, well not quite clear on that age so i'll go with a year old, until i was fifteen. I lived with my mom, Shannon, my dad, Richard, and my sister, Tara, for pretty much the biggest part of that time, the other people I stayed with, for a much shorter time frame, were my grandparents, and aunt. We moved a few times, I can only remember three but i'm sure there was more, and I hated every minute of it. Especially when all four of us had to share the house with not only my grandparents, but my aunt and her daughter and son on occasion, while waiting for our "modular home", aka a trailer on a basemnet, to be finsished. The size of the house wasnt the issue I had, it was everyone gettting along. Thank the lord I had my best friend there, who happened to be my aunts daughter, Sarah. Oh the stuff that happened under that roof and behind those doors would make a wonderful sequel to what im writing now, there was never a dull moment.
The last house we moved to was the trailer, which was in York New Salem and a straw field away from Richards parents. Which was always interesting, his father was a redneck like no other and found cheap ways of improvising and coming up with his own creations and tools, he was also an asshole. Richards mother was a hard worker until the day she had to retire, and a spitfire to say the least. I could call her an asshole too but over the years I have come to enjoy the attitude she has, along with the humor that I have come to find after so long searching for it. Anyways our home was nice for awhil, but eventually it went to crap. Not really sure how it all started, I just know that soon there was garbage all over the place, animals were enjoying using the bathroom indoors, and my parents seemed to be having a grand time taking pills and sleeping all the time. There were a couple of times the house was restored to look a hell of a lot better thanks to help from my aunt, but they never lasted. My parents expected Tara and I to keep up a whole house while they got pill happy behind their closed bedroom door.
For years I felt like I was on my own, having to care for not only myself but my sister and at times my parents. There were a few occasions that I thought my mother was dying because she took to many drugs, and there were times I thought my mom and dad would never go to sleep because of drugs. It was a never ending circle, until I turned fifteen. It was my birhtday, and I thought I was going to get to celebrate it with a great family friend, who we called nana Lisa, who I had stayed the night with. I woke up to her saying " come on, we have to go I got a call from Richards mom, your parents are both being taken to the hospital for drug overdose." Those words and that year pretty much changed everything. This is where my story starts, or at least it's that big event I was talking about that seemed like a good place to start. That moment was also the saddest yet happiest time of my life. I was watching my parents being drove away in a pill enduced trance, which tore my heart out, but I knew and ws told they were going to get help and not take pills like that again, so I was okay with it. Yet I still don't know if my life changed for the better or worse that year. My life likes to flip flop, well without anymore nonsense blabbing lets really get into this story.