something from the present

Okay so let us take a short little break from the past and let me insert a present story of my life. Oh and i'm sorry if i am throwing a lot out there at once, but i feel as though i have plenty of stories and life events to share for awhile.
So on to the present. It has now been about two almost three weeks i think since i had my surgery. What surgery i'm sure is what yall are asking because most didn't even know it happened. Well i was pregnant, but it was an eptopic or tubal pregnancy. The baby was not in the uterus there for could not grow and survive properly, so i had to have my left tube removed which is where the baby was. Now i wasn't that far along and i hadn't known i was pregnant that long, only about a week i had known, but i was so excited and it still really hurts. I had wanted a baby for so long and to finally have it, but i woke up on November 2 with extremely bad bleeding and the next thing i know, after two ultrasounds, a few exams, and of course blood work, an OBGYN was standing in front of me telling me i had to pretty much abort this child. No words can describe the feeling i had, and even now while i'm writing this i am trying so hard not to tear up. And i haven't really had a chance to really sit down and just let my emotions out because i just keep being told well you weren't that far along, and better it happened now than farther along in your pregnancy. I try to tell myself those things to make sense of it but That's not how i feel about it. I feel heart broken, torn, i don't feel like myself. I find myself pondering over what i did that made this happen, and if i try to get pregnant again will this happen again. I want to cry, just sit and cry but it's almost like i can't. 
    Anyways on a extrememly happy note i just found out that my my cousin and best friend and greatest person ever, Sarah, is having another baby!!!!!! When i found out it was awesome i'm so excited. I didnt get to be around for the last one much because i lived in Missouri, but this time i'm here and ready!!!!!! 



till next time yall!!!